On Being a Nomad

"By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going" Heb 11.8

Like most young Christians I suppose, when I was in college I was concerned about finding the place of "God's Will". "Where does God want me to be?" would often be a question I would ponder. I was not alone. Many of my friends would often ask the same things, in various ways and times. We were concerned about making the right choice at the right time lest we "move outside God's will". 

The whole idea, of course, is quite mysterious. The generalities of what God's will are are fairly plain, but what really interests us are the intricate details and those we don't find in the Bible (I've looked). Of course that's where faith becomes critical. If every detail of God's plan were unfolded for me before it happened, that would render faith, well, rather unnecessary to say the least. But still, the question remains...

Green Holly Drive, Jesslyn Avenue, Baden Powell Drive, Westmount Drive, Vine St and White Oak Lane - these are the street names in which Casey and I (and the family) have lived in the past 7 years. Once upon a time we were quite restless about finding THE place that we would buy and live for the next few decades. However, these days we are more relaxed and even somewhat embrace our nomadishness. Like Abraham, we pretty much go in obedience even though we "do not know where we are going". For people that believe God's will is a place, finding that "place" is pretty darn important. And not knowing if you are there yet can leave you feeling restless and anxious...or worse. Well, I have to come to believe that God's will is not a place but rather a people, or even a person. That is, God leads us into and out of relationships that He intended for our good and our growth in the season he intended them. The key is to embrace the season and all the difficulties and pain that may encompass and be willing to enter into community - or communitas- with the people He has given us for the time we are there. 

Over the past couple years we have wept at saying 'so long' to some fellow travelers with whom we would have gladly stayed and lived alongside for many more years, if life was all about me. Selvan, Rob, Dale, Nicole, Jacob, Bones, Paul, Thabo, Richard, Nadine, Wayne, Barry, Carlos..and the list goes on and on! These are the people from various walks of life that we have learned from, with and maybe taught a thing or two to over the past little while. If I cared more about geography than community I would have never had some of those life- changing moments - what a shame. Just like the Ultimate Community - the godhead, I am drawn to experiencing life ( not just ritualistic back slapping, but the messy and hard stuff) with these folks and those who God brings down the line. 

So, to live as a nomad is hard, I can promise you. Starting over, getting lost, feeling "spare" and of course talking "funny" are not fun things. But I can live with them if they open doors to the next thing on Gods agenda for me. So I am here now, today. Tomorrow I may not be, but for now, I embrace that liminality and seek that communitas. 

Will you join me? 

Facebook - we might be breaking up...

Facebook - I think I am getting over it.

I (we) first joined Facebook in 2007 when our first daughter was born and we wanted to share some pics with friends and family who could not be there. Back then, that was kind of the idea - keeping in touch with friends and by 'friends' I mean people who are actually your friend. I know, I'm confused too.

People use FB for different reasons, I know. Soon mine became a way of sharing info with others that may be helpful or useful - articles, links etc. and of course status updates so people knew what was happening with us. Those are the good things about FB. So, whats the issue?

I am beginning to think that FB has become the safe haven for virtual voyeurism particularly for those who have limited social skill or have some kind of 'neediness' that is born out in statements designed to illicit a particular response. People who will say "I'm so lonely right now..." and expect a deluge of "I'm here for you's" (actually I'm not actually 'here' but you know what I mean) or 'we love you, you are the best' or some such pithy statement. Maybe you are lonely because you have a lot of "Friends" but don't make the time to get any real ones? Harsh? Maybe. But, on my daily feed I am inundated with these and other such 'information' such as:
....an Instagram picture of your lunch....or new clothes...or random picture of a tree - cool, thanks for sharing.
...or the miles you just ran on nike fit -I'm proud of you!
...or the Bible verse you 'shared' from You version to show us you do read the Bible (Pssst we all know you can tap to upload without even reading it, pastorally speaking, I would love it if people spent that extra 30 seconds thinking or reading the verse than sharing it - but, that's just me)
...or the awkward selfie - again
...or the wonderful array of FB games you play. You grew a plant, won at poker or something - yay!

As if that's no quite enough, there are those who love to comment on everything you say - the FB wall hijackers. In my case, those tend to be people who are FB friends just because its more awkward not to be - like a social media version of refusing a handshake. Rude. But also, not real.

I am into real. Which is maybe why FB is no longer for me. Don't worry my 810 'friends', I won't be deleting my account but just re-branding its use. You wanna connect, catch me on twitter - real info, real links, real short  -good stuff. Plus, no kittens!

As I get ready to speak this weekend, I am reminded of the sermon on the mount (a part of which I am speaking on). It's like an on-going live Tweet-fest as Jesus speaks and gives new meaning to some old understandings. It was frank and honest and true. Unlike so much of what I see on FB. It is virtual identity in a virtual world and I foresee a fallout when real life becomes unavoidable. Let's be real shall we? I for one am going to spend some of that time I have wasted on scrolling through the life you want me to see to try and see it for myself.

*insert selfie of sad face here*    

      

  

The Upside of Down

The Upside of Down

None of us like to feel hopeless. It is demotivating and soul-destroying - it weighs you down. We desire to be hopeful - confident that things will turn out and that it will all be OK. Theologically we may understand the latter statement to be true and we trust in that, but somehow, we still feel hopeless and indeed, helpless from time to time as circumstances and people happen to us! 

I have recently started re-reading a great book and this sentence stuck out -  The time when you get to hopelessness can be one of the best moments for your future. To give up hope that something is going to change when it is not going to gets you unstuck immediately and brings energy. It brings life to the sickness of hope deferred. ( Cloud, 2011:119). 

Especially when it comes to certain relationships and strategic initiatives we feel compelled at times to try and "make it work" simply because the alternative - "giving up" sounds negative and defeatist. But think of all the energy that is expended on this crusade - not to mention time - only for the majority of times, it ends exactly the way you thought it would. 

"At least I tried"   you say. But what would have happened in that time if you had tried something else instead? 

Cloud goes on to speak of the contrast between the wise and the foolish  person - largely drawn from the principles in the book of Proverbs. What would a wise person do in this situation? How would a wise leader respond to this person? How do wise people receive feedback? Cloud says: 

"Here are some traits of the wise: 

•When you give them feedback, they listen, take it in, and adjust their behavior accordingly.

• When you give them feedback, they embrace it positively. 

• They own their performance, problems, and issues and take responsibility for them without excuses or blame.

• They empathize and express concern about the results of their behavior on others.

• In response to feedback, they go into future-oriented problem-solving mode. “I see this. How can I do better in the future?” • They do not allow problems that have been addressed to turn into patterns. They change. They adjust and fix them. It does not mean that change will be instantaneous. There are few instant cures with no slips, as a goal is always being approximated until one gets there. That is why surgeons in training start on cadavers. But they listen and learn and eventually are wise enough to cut living people." 

(Cloud, 2011:129-130). 

What about a foolish person - how might they respond? Often, the fool will try to adjust the truth, so that they don't have to deal with it. Someone else is to blame for my actions - "if you only knew what I had to deal with..." is common phraseology. The foolish person actually does not want to change or even listen. Perhaps the reason we struggle through difficult relationships and not create the 'necessary ending' is because we presume the person will respond in a loving, gracious and kind way if we do. And many times, they do not. 

Talking to a wise and responsible person about the problem is a good idea, change will happen. Whereas talking to a fool continually about the problem - will not help. So stop talking. Cut your losses. Make the change. As Cloud says in summation:

" With wise people, talk to them, give them resources, and you will get a return. With foolish people, stop talking to them about problems; they are not listening. And stop supplying resources; they squander them. Instead, give them limits and consequences." (Cloud, 2011:143). 

Going in circles can leave you hopeless and breathless - the question is, how many of those situations are self imposed? Maybe it's time to recognize who you are dealing with and do the necessary so that your most precious God-given resource and responsibility - Time - is not wasted. 

χαρις και ειρηνη 

Read: Cloud, Henry (2011-01-18). Necessary Endings: The Employees, Businesses, and Relationships That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Move Forward.  HarperBusiness.